When it comes to f words, there’s more than the one you want to say right now. Friend zone. When you really like someone and it seems to be going fine…
Fine is a little scary because you want more than just fine – you want the object of your affection to see you in the same way. When that doesn’t happen, they stop texting or they just completely treat you like their brother – we totally get it. We’ve been there. It hurts and it sucks.
That’s the bad news.
The good news is the getting in the friend zone while texting… may be reversible if you take note of these 8 texting mistakes and just do the freaking opposite.
1 You’re dragging this thing out.
- Let us explain. Once you are in a relationship or heading towards one, talking on and on is a good thing. However, if you wait too long to pull the trigger. If you become her “text buddy” and not her “let’s hang out” person… then you have just royally screwed yourself.
- This doesn’t mean that you should be unwilling to talk. You need to build a level of comfort first. Talk and be sweet. Be charming. Be interested. BUT Be attentive.
Once you feel there is a rapport, seal the deal. Don’t be pushy but make it known that you want to hang out. Say things like “I’d love to get together Friday. Coffee?” Not “What are you up to… oh that’s cool.”
2 Not matching her responses.
- While long paragraphs are super welcomed when you are in a relationship from a girl’s point of view, at first, if she is texting short sentences and you are texting back to back or long paragraphs then you are putting off the idea that you are putting in way too much effort.
There is a difference in attractive effort and over-eager effort. You want to come off with an alpha mentality. Match her responses. Don’t be afraid to wait 15 minutes to an hour to reply and you can even reply a little shorter than she does. It is a fine art.
3 You are not taking initiative.
- Women love a guy who takes the wheel. If you are waiting for her to ask you out then you will be waiting forever. It is attractive and feeds a woman’s primal desire to be provided for and led when you attempt to make the plans. Plan dinner. Plan a movie. Just take initiative. Don’t be the guy she goes to her best friend about because he fails to ever take charge. When a woman feels like she has to get a man to do what she wishes he would do… she loses interest fast.
4 Not confirming.
- In a world of online dating, confirming doesn’t happen enough. Wishy-washy guys are a dime a dozen. You need to be the guy who knows what he wants and affirms it.
The day before text:
“Hey, Steph. We still on for tomorrow at 9?”
The day of text early in the day:
“Hey, Steph! See you at 9!”
Confirming the day before and of can lessen anxiety for her and you. She won’t be afraid of being ghosted and you have made your intentions well known. Confirmation has a higher success rate in dates that don’t get canceled!
5 You let her go too easy.
- If your date has to work late and cancel, you may be tempted to say “Oh, no big deal! Have fun!” But fight the urge. This validates breaking plans. You don’t want to be a douche of course… you just want to convey that you desired to see her. Here’s how you do that…
- Say something else that hints at a little sadness that she couldn’t make it such as “bummer.“
Leave it at that unless she texts you back. This time the next time you text her she will be relieved to have not blown it with you. She will be so happy to hear from you that she will be less likely to ditch out on the date this time.
6 Stop apologizing for the time it took you to get back to her.
- Yes. It sounds polite and you do want her to know her time is valuable. However, it can come off awkward when you aren’t yet in a relationship or steady dating to apologize for having other things to do. Simply get back to her when you can. Don’t do it purposely. Don’t be disrespectfully long to get back – like days. This will really run her own. Just don’t apologize if it takes a few hours because you were at work.
7 You’re sending too many memes.
- Memes are fun but they are funner between friends. If you send too many, you fall into friend zone territory because you are mimicking friend behaviors. She and her friends will be sending memes all week. You want to stand out as a suitor and not another potential meme friend.
8 You took it wrong.
- Texting is a weird space because everything can be taken wrong. Don’t get so much anxiety that you seek validation about if she’s upset with you or if something has changed. “That’s fine.” Isn’t always a bad statement. But you can trick yourself into thinking everything means something. Just think the best until proven otherwise.
As you navigate the world of dating, texting is just one of those things it takes practice to master. However, it is a lot simpler than we think it is. Don’t second guess yourself. That is what it boils down to. Don’t over-apolgize. Don’t feel not good enough so that you overcompensate. Don’t be afraid to take a chance. Women are looking for women who are serious about them and in a world where men aren’t always serious… if you just show your interest and seal the deal – you will be a step ahead of the other guys every time.